Dear Ones,
I have been self-centered, even more so since I have started taking "the Dang Medicine" (what I call chemo).
What I really need to tell everyone is that I go through these sessions and that NINE out of the FOURTEEN days of the treatment I feel pretty great!!!!!
I realize now that I have had CANCER for at least 5 years, and that cancer was affecting many aspects of my life - - especially this last summer when I had tremendously painful bursitis and tendinitis - - and it seemed like I just didn't care about a lot of things that I used to care about very very much.
My Docs carefully tested me, and found what was wrong. This is the very first major illness I have had. I am so fortunate, because every day I think of what Donna went through, with her three little children to raise with her wonderful husband, Bob. Donna had the worst deal, though she was truly a saintly person in every every way. Donna never complained to Dave, who was as close to her as a sister is to a brother -- and the family came closer together, what a noble thing that was, for me to witness, as an in-law. As a sister, who could have cared more than JoAnn? The grief of it all can be tempered with the assurance that we all have that
Donna is in Heaven.
At my last session, I met a man who has prostate cancer - his name is Mr Chamberlain. He had prostate cancer 24 years ago and was cured. The cancer was in his back, all over his bones and other places - - he said he lit up like a Christmas tree when they did a nuclear test on him. He was in a huge amount of pain. The docs gave him estrogen to cure him. (Mark, he has met your friend John Chamberlain's dad) Now, he has to confront his cancer again.
Anyway, he cheerfully told me "I figure I will either be cured, or I will be promoted" and with that statement he vigorously pointed his thumb towards Heaven.
That is what he has gained because he has been paying attention to his spiritual needs, and he has no doubts.
That is something that I want to achieve, and some of my reading lately has filled my heart with a renewed faith in God. It's weird, because the books I chose to read were just lying on my bookshelves - - and I had read them earlier! This time, I was touched in my soul and so many things made sense that did not make sense before.
Just as my chemo sessions result in nine good days out of fourteen (looking at the positive aspects) -- that's the way to see religion -- you can not let some negative aspects of formal religion make you give up on the huge amount of positive aspects. It is what you choose to focus on, that is the ah hah moment.
Well, D is home for lunch, will let you know some more later....
Love, C.