COOKIE CUTTERS

Grandma says 'Hi Dylan!'

Clear Sailing, but with follow-ups!

Received the "All Clear" from the Docs: NO RADIATION --a decision from the Oncologist, the Radiologist and the Surgeon.  There are no signs of lesions in any test as of now.  I still have my Port implant in my chest, and every month I have to have it maintained with a flush.  Every few months, I will need a CT scan to check for new lesion starts (cancer)....

Overjoyed I am (Yoda-speak), so super glad to get stronger every day.  Now, Summer will be enjoyed, and there is so much to do!

Our big event on Wednesday, June 3, 2009 was Dyll's first bee sting... Gpa is trying to block the hive using foam insulation.  Today, Friday, the wasps are swarming still -- unfortunately the vespids are using a space that is in the roof of our front door porch.  Mike, the entomologist, gave us the idea that we can get rid of the nest without pesticides, which will be great.  We will find out how long the vespids will 'fly around' until they go somewhere else....

Poor little guy, Dyll really screamed when he got attacked.  We did not find a stinger, and am starting to wonder if the vespid actually bit him.  The wound in Dyll's cheek was exactly like the wound his Mom got on her arm when she was a little girl.... strangely enough, the location just near the front door was almost the same in both cases.  I told R to stay very quiet and still, so the bug would just decide to go away.  Instead, it started to bite a little meal out of her arm... talk about horrifying!!!   The wounds looked exactly alike, on both Dyll and R.  The swelling was very slight in both cases, also.

Will sign off now, with more news to follow...

Love to all, C.

Happy Shoes

        ...If shoes could talk....

Surgery

May 5th at OHSU -- sometime that day the Docs at OHSU will help me very much by surgically removing my left breast.  I will be very glad to have that part of my treatment completed.   When my chest area heals it will be better than it is now, because the tumor is kinda uncomfortable.   

Describing how I feel right now, maybe someone would like to know. ? .  

 Physically I feel very out of shape, that is partially because of the cold weather we have been having during most of my chemo schedule.... but it mostly because I have been very lazy.  That's right -- very very lazy.  

Mentally, I feel like chemo brain is real, the whole chemo deal has passed by like a very strange odd dream.... every day I feel a little tiny bit sharper.   

Emotionally, I feel a kind of resignation about the whole deal, but also very grateful for the Medical Professionals at OHSU.  I feel a little embarrassed, being the one who is weak and dependent, it is a very weird self identity thing.  

Spiritually, I feel like I want to try to put into action many of the things I have thought about during this last winter, I wonder if I can?  I do doubt myself, can I make changes in myself?

What if there is no waking up from surgery?  Please do not keep my body alive, thank you very much.  That is my wish.  

I guess that I am actually assuming that there will be a continuation of my life after the surgery, I am really not that worried about 'dying on the table'.  I love all of my family and friends, and life on earth is beautiful and wonderful -- but, life will go on, that is my comfort, that everyone will carry on.

After surgery, I have work to do to be a better person, and to be closer to God.... I guess that is the direction to take....

My appearance is alarming ...I am almost hairless, and down to two eyelashes on my left upper eyelid, seven on my right upper eyelid and 3 eyelashes each on both my lower eyelids.  My head is shiny in the light, but is covered with miniscule light colored hairs maybe a millimeter long.  I don't think that being basically hairless is the most important part of this whole epic saga, but it is the most visible marking of being sick.  My fingernails are grooved across and are yellowed.  Again, they grow back....

I think about being attached to my medical appointments and I feel aimless and unfocused about my life.   If I continue to feel this way after my recuperation from surgery, I will go to a counselor -- right now, I feel justified being 'at loose ends', but I don't want to stay this way, it would be wasting being alive.  I feel really strange being a 'survivor'.... kinda 'why me?'   Also, can I plan long term projects?  

Heather's wedding is the next event to focus on for this summer.   Maybe, taking life in small chunks is a way to proceed....... Hmm, maybe I have found a way ...?

My Best to All,

LOve, C.

Good Friday

Good Friday brought good news ... Just 2 days before, had a PET/CT scan and the results on Good Friday.  The only lesion found was the tumor in the breast.  Very very happy that all of the chemo was successful.  Thank you to everyone, especially my great Oncologist, Dr Luoh, at OHSU.

Easter Monday, will have another appointment to schedule surgery.  Different Doc for that,  maybe Dr Naik.

Easter Egg Hunt at the park, with Dillie, Mike and Rachel.... it was cold, windy and a bit wet...  brrrr.  Mistakenly arrived 1 hour early,  but it all worked out.  Dyl really focused on the hunt, and when he finally got going, he did very well, with lots of eggs and candy.  What a cute little guy he is!!!

I am feeling good,  and every day I feel better!

Love to all, C.

All of our Thoughts and Prayers

Hope and Strength for Ron  and  Linda and the whole family.

Oh How I hope hope hope for a good outcome. 

 I heard something in a PBS Mystery show (Foyle's War) that spoke to me last night.   The background is that the elder Foyle is telling his son, who is flying WWII bombing missions for Britain, that he (the father) would prefer his son to never have to fly and endanger his life. 

The elder Foyle then says: "We have to go day by day, and hope for the best."

Admittedly, there are low bad days.  That doesn't seem to last very long thank goodness, and it's back to DAY BY DAY and HOPING FOR THE BEST.

How about a variation of a Benediction:  May God Make His Face Shine Upon - - (All of Us All Over The World).

And let us see beauty and peace and love.

Love, C.

SUNSHINE

It is Sunday and we have Sunshine!

Yesterday, Dave got me out for a walk.  I was feeble and tottering like an ancient woman, but thank you Dave, because it really improved the way I was feeling.

The day was as pleasant as the best day you could imagine.  As we drove to our dike-walk, we rounded the corner at the park, and it was there that we both heard the 'crack of a bat' on a baseball.  The ball-games of Spring are soon to be here -- the sounds of the bats, the smell of freshly cut grass and the cheers of the on-lookers and fans.  I feel good today!

I really was amazed and happy about the 'Miracle on the Hudson' plane crash....  How Great was that!!

Joy and Love to All,

Love C.

Party Picture

The Gathering at Rachel's Birthday Party  --- little Dyllie put all the candles on the cake himself, and daddy Mike lit the candles.....  even Luca was there, and Corey and Heather too

HAPPY HAPPY B*DAY MISS R

Here it is, January 8 and we know what that means!  

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you!  Tonight will be a night to remember because you are going out to dinner with Mr M M  - - won't that be great!  Little Dyllie is hanging with Gpa and they have just been to the store - - from what I can hear from my room, they seem to be getting along famously.

Many years ago, when you were born, it was a major trial to just get to the hospital!  There was a really bad ice storm -- EVERYTHING was coated with over an inch of clear slick ICE and big pregnant laboring me had to walk down some stairs to get to the car!  I put socks over my shoes so I would not slip.  Your Dad got us to the hospital, we slipped a lot, but we got there.  Then the Doctor was very late getting there - - he got his car stuck at the top of the hill and had to run and slide on foot to the Hospital.  He got there with only about 20 minutes before you were born!

Another funny thing is that after we were home, your big sister(H), age 2, went to your bassinet and draping you over her arm, carried you into the kitchen where your Dad, Grandma and Mom were having a bite to eat.  (Your head was hanging down to the floor!!)

As you well know after Dyllie, that's a 2 year old for you!  What a shock it was to see that happening, but it seemed to actually help you cough some stuff out of your lungs.   Things happen sometimes that are scary and then turn out be OK.  Maybe Miss H did you some kind of huge helpful thing that day??  I think so!

And we all know how wonderful you turned out to be!  Know that I am so so so proud of you, forever!  What a blessing it has been for me, to know you as my daughter!

Now you have a 2 year old, who is learning by doing what he sees the older people doing.  He is playing basketball (saw the games on TV and at the park).  He loves to cook (his Dad is skilled at cooking, as is his Mom).  The most impressive thing is that he knows so many words and speaks so many complete sentences.  He even knows jokes - that's really amazing to me!

Then you have Auntie H. and Uncle C. -- wasn't that great that C was a baby sitter New Year's Eve for Dyllie!  D told me the other day about visiting Auntie H and how Oscar popped his little orange basketball when it rolled away under the couch!

OK. Wishing you joy and love in your little home, it sure makes me happy!  Thanks!

Heaps and Gobs of Love,

MOM

Please Be Reassured

Dear Ones,

I have been self-centered, even more so since I have started taking "the Dang Medicine" (what I call chemo).

What I really need to tell everyone is that I go through these sessions and that NINE out of the FOURTEEN days of the treatment I feel pretty great!!!!!

I realize now that I have had CANCER for at least 5 years, and that cancer was affecting many aspects of  my life - - especially this last summer when I had tremendously painful bursitis and tendinitis - - and it seemed like I just didn't care about a lot of things that I used to care about very very much.

My Docs carefully tested me, and found what was wrong.  This is the very first major illness I have had.  I am so fortunate, because every day I think of what Donna went through, with her three little children to raise with her wonderful husband, Bob.  Donna had the worst deal, though she was truly a saintly person in every every way.  Donna never complained to Dave, who was as close to her as a sister is to a brother --  and the family came closer together, what a noble thing that was, for me to witness, as an in-law.  As a sister, who could have cared more than JoAnn?  The grief of it all can be tempered with the assurance that we all have that 

Donna is in Heaven.

At my last session, I met a man who has prostate cancer - his name is Mr Chamberlain.  He had prostate cancer 24 years ago and was cured.  The cancer was in his back, all over his bones and other places - - he said he lit up like a Christmas tree when they did a nuclear test on him.  He was in a huge amount of pain.  The docs gave him estrogen to cure him.  (Mark, he has met your friend John Chamberlain's dad)  Now, he has to confront his cancer again.

Anyway, he cheerfully told me "I figure I will either be cured, or I will be promoted" and with that statement he vigorously pointed his thumb towards Heaven.

That is what he has gained because he has been paying attention to his spiritual needs, and he has no doubts.

That is something that I want to achieve, and some of my reading lately has filled my heart with a renewed faith in God.  It's weird, because the books I chose to read were just lying on my bookshelves - - and I had read them earlier!  This time, I was touched in my soul and so many things made sense that did not make sense before.

Just as my chemo sessions result in nine good days out of fourteen (looking at the positive aspects)  -- that's the way to see religion -- you can not let some negative aspects of formal religion make you give up on the huge amount of positive aspects.  It is what you choose to focus on, that is the ah hah moment.

Well, D is home for lunch, will let you know some more later....

Love, C.

HAPPPY HAPPY B"DAY Miss H

Hey it's Heather's birthday today!!!  It was so great to see you, Heather,  so glad you went out to lunch with your DAD -- keep having fun all day!

Love, Mom

January 3, that was a day to remember!  H. you have been my delight and joy since the day you were born and you have always made me so so so proud!

Love and Heaps More Love Forever, MOM

PS.  When baby Heather was born, it was very cold, but instead of ice on everything (like Rachel's day) it was that dry Eastern Oregon or Interior Canada cold.  We could drive around OK.  The thing that I remember is going to the hospital for what I thought would be a false alarm... and being put in a wheelchair and whisked away into the hospital.

H might not know this, but she was born in the OLD Columbia Memorial Hospital.  R was born in the New CMH.  Strangely, the Old CMH had a big room with fabulous views of the river and they took care of us for 3 whole days!  (At the new CMH they made me leave after 24 hours)   

After that, however, H had to go back to the hospital for a few days because of jaundice.  She had to wear little 'sunglasses' (actually a blindfold) and bathe in the 'sun' of an incubator.  As a first time Mom, I did not question the nurses, but it was heart breaking for me, I wanted H at home so so bad.

I remember driving over to the hospital every chance they would let me....  it seemed like the nurses wanted and loved taking care of H so much that it was a real weird time for me...very emotional....

I learned so much with little Heath, and sorry about you being my trial and error kid,  you know I was my mother's first also...

What was really great is how we doted on you and played with you and showed you off.....your Grandma J was around a lot and her name for you was "Personality Plus!"

You got your first tooth in while your Dad was out at sea.  I was on the ship to shore radio telling your Dad the big news and also that I loved him.... that last part embarrassed him because it was broadcast to everyone on the boat....pretty funny huh?

Well, I hope you liked this,  because I LOVE YOU!  

Mom